Am too happy to use punctuation and grammar correctly. Or at least, I'm too full of Cara Viva Rosé. xxxxx
Oops, just realised I completely forgot about the whole calorie recording thing. Oh well...
]]>Am soooo BLOODY excited!
In other news, accidentally bought size sixteen knickers from Topshop (they were on a size ten hanger!! grrrr). xx
]]>Had a good weekend; went to the pub Friday for a meal, then got elegantly pissed afterwards (elegant in the sense that I didn't show anyone my bra and I didn't start crying and asking everyone if they think I'm fat...), then Saturday was Sam's birthday, and I made him a cake and bought him London eye tickets, and spent the day with him.
I'm off school until next week now, as there is a week of fun educational activities for the lower school in which all the teachers are involved, so all sixth form lessons are cancelled. Had a girlie SKINS party last night with series 2 and lots of chocolate buttons, and have been out to lunch (another girlie outing) today and sat in a really cute, cosy cafe in Abingdon all afternoon eating mash potato and drinking tea, watching the rain come down and the floods come up, through the window. Am going to make the most of being off school, and possibly sleep all day tomorrow. This will be V. good for the diet, as if I am asleep I cannot eat, and I will have lots of energy in reserve for when I hit the gym after work! x
We had lunch in Christ Church Meadow. Got baguettes and apple juice from a shop in the covered market, and strawberries from the fresh fruit stall and went and sat in the sunshine. Was lovely :] Would have been romantic if the park hadn't been full of smackheads and pissed uni students! Still, at least we had ready-made entertainment.
Tried on my ball dress when I got home to check if it still fits me, and was VERY annoyed to find that the zip no longer zips itself up to the very top. And it's a SIZE 10, FFS! I know I've eaten a lot of shit recently, and not really counted my calories but come on - I was expecting it to hang a little looser on me, If I'm honest, seeing as most of my clothes are eights nowadays! AM NOT IMPRESSED. At least I've got my shawl to cover up the zip that won't do up at the back. Am paranoid that I am going to look a bit like a lollipop, with skinny legs supporting a massive BLOBBY body! Mum says I look nice, but mum's are MEANT to say that.
Think I may have to do some sort of 48-hour-detox-fluid-loss-diet-thingy if I want to slim into this dress and NOT look like a deluded girl SQUEEZING herself into something which CLEARLY doesn't fit her. :[
But on the Bright Side (one has to look for a bright side when one is GETTING FAT): ANNIE HAS A DEBIT CARD!!!! This is good news for me, but bad news for my driving lesson fund. Just know I am going to spend spend spend, especially in Paris, as I can USE THE CARD ABROAD!!!! WEEEEEEEE, feel like I have been released from shopaholic prison (the past few weeks I have resisted SO many things as have been scrupulously saving - yes I regard this to be PRISION-LIKE), and am all set to go ABSOLUTELY CRAZY in a few weeks time, when the money from all my overtime comes in! Who knows, maybe I will even TREAT MYSELF to Karen Millen shoes?! or possibly LIPO SUCTION!!!!
xx
]]>Spent most of it being Little Miss Helpful, making sure Dad and Brother had breakfast and lunch (as men, they seem incapable of identifying their own needs and surviving without a woman in the house) whilst Mum was visiting Grandad.
Also popped down to 'nameless local supermarket' to buy a cake for D's birthday, and a cake for Grandad. I'm going to write messages on both of them in writing icing. Felt so super-selfless and wonderful after all this, even contemplated making Shaun some flat-warming muffins (he got his brand spanking new council flat last week - only has to pay £5 a week, lucky biatch!), but decided this might be going a little too OTT/too Brie Van Der Camp a la Desperate Housewives.
Grandad's okay, but he severed an artery in his head yesterday when he fell down the stairs. He's all stitched up now, and conscious, if a little very confused.
Had a 'Work Do' in the evening, we all went bowling and got very pissed and one of my managers, Amanda, got tomato pips in her hair, even though she didn't eat any tomato, and I spilled ketchup down my white top and had to wear my jacket for the rest of the evening. SURPRISINGLY, my team did not win, but we had a bloody good laugh all the same.
Was also me and Sam's 6 Month Anniversaire. He was quite sweet and lovely, kept coming up behind me and putting his arms round me with his hands on my tummy and kissing the back of my neck.
Was off school today, as had a lot of work to do. With everything that's happened, I haven't had time to catch up on my HUMONGOUS back-log of school work, so decided to take the day off to do some of that, considering I just had research lessons this morning, which are incredibly pointless and are just spent on Facebook anyway. Felt ok when I first woke up, despite the copious amounts of vodka consumed last night, but in the middle of the day began to feel quite sick and dizzy. Think I might be fighting off some sort of bug, because my mum said she's felt like that all day too.
Made it into work, but got very pissed off with Sam because he was in one of his moods where he won't speak to anyone. He was in this filthy mood simply because he was AN HOUR late for work AGAIN, and therefore our manager told him he'd have to stay an extra hour onto the end of his normal shift to make it up. Soooo he spent the whole day basically sulking like a fucking CHILD, and barely spoke to me.
So I decided to ignore him, and went off and bitched about MEN(!) with Lottie. Was quite satisfying. Had a massive fucking argument with Sam before I left though, and I cried A LOT on the way home, and ate WAY TOO MUCH chocolate to make myself feel better when I GOT home.
Have made it up with Sam now though. He admits he was being a prick, and I agreed :] He's meeting me from school tomorrow and we're going into Oxford, and I'm buying (EXPENSIVE) shoes for the ball, and he's getting trousers to go with his suit. Should be lush. I told him that to make up for not speaking to me at work when I needed him (I was stressed out with everything and just wanted a hug to be honest, but seeing as he wasn't SPEAKING to anyone, that wasn't really possible...), he has to give me a MASSIVE hug when he sees me tomorrow.
He said, ok, I'll squeeze you to death.
So, I have that to look forward to :] I have had a pretty shit evening; missed Eastenders AND One Tree Hill because I had to evaluate the effects of climate change on the planet in 1000 words (though I've only written 955 and they're all shit), and couldn't work out how to set anything up to record on our new box. I just hope tomorrow will be much more lovely and much more better than this shitty excuse for a Monday. x
]]>Today has been a really long day; was going to write all about BBQ shenanigans at SBS (complete with sunburn, potato salad, chopping up own hands with kitchen knife, and me and Kayleigh riding on the bucking sheep in our chef whites - was spectacularly useless at this!), and the fact that I am at home on a Saturday night for the first time this year, stone cold sober and enjoying it.
But I feel that that would be really weird and wrong considering I've just found out that my Grandad has just gone into hospital :'[ Apparently he fell down the stairs and has cut his head open and there was lots of blood everywhere and the ambulance have taken him to the John Radcliffe. My uncle has gone to the hospital and mum's looking after my Gran and my cousins. I'm so worried and scared. My Grandad is so old and so ill with Alzheimer's. I just feel so sad for him because he will be so scared; he won't know where he is, or why he's in pain, or who anybody around him is. I've been crying for ages, and I rang Sam up and cried at him for quite a long time and spent a lot of my credit, but never mind.
He's got to be kept in hospital over night at least, and I don't know whether he's going to be ok. I'm guessing we won't be having our 87th birthday meal for him tomorrow though. :'[ Please be ok Grandad, I love you xxxxx
]]>I am so stressed out because I have so much work to do, and I haven't been able to do any of it so far.
On Tuesday night, one of my best mates, *D*, was chucked out by her dad, who told her he doesn't like having her around, and that he wants his wife's son to move in instead and take her room. Her mum has been away, so she's had to stay with me for the last couple of nights, and she's staying with another friend tonight.
I feel so sorry for her, and I've done as much as I can, but I know it's not enough. Have given her lots of hugs and hot chocolate and hardcore Pendulum Itunes raves in my front room in some effort to cheer her up.
Have to say, it's sort of worked. Am amazed at how strong that girl is. She puts on such a brave face.
It's her birthday on Sunday, and neither of her parents seem too bothered. I can't see her because I will be at my Grandad's birthday meal, but I am going to bake her a cake and give it to her on Monday and we will blatantly rave up her 17th in the common room, Monday breaktime (to Pendulum, obviously... nobody in the whole sixth form seems to listen to anything else recently!) xx
]]>Went camping on Saturday night at Dry Sanford with lots and lots of people from school and got completely annihilated by drinking a lot of punch, which was completely lethal as it was lots and lots of different alcoholic beverages mixed together, in a bin, rather than a bowl. If I don't catch AIDS, I will be surprised. Anyway, I spent a lot of the night crying in my tent because I thought I was lying in the entrance to the tent rather than the ACTUAL tent, and because I had wet jeans, and because my phone got so waterlogged when I was out dancing in the rain that it wouldn't turn on for ages until it had had time to dry out. Hardcore. At least I wasn't off slagging it up with half of year 13 like some of my friends...
Friends, who, might I add, collapsed a tent on me while I was asleep at 7 in the morning, for no apparent reason.
Was NOT impressed as was still drunk, and very hungover at the same time. I went home and threw up loads then slept for most of the day.
]]>Spent all afternoon lying on the sofa reading alternate chapters of 1984 (which I already read ages ago and loved, even though it is pretty grim and depressing), and a Handmaid's Tale, which I'm sure will be very interesting, but I saw the film of it in English the other day and found it TRES HORRIBLE, in particular the bits where she has to have sex with the commander, and the bit with all the hangings, etc. Have already found loads of similarities between the two, so coursework should be EASY PEASY.
Just before I had to go out to meet Sam at four I got really bad period pains, and although I took tablets, they didn't go away and had to walk all the way back to Sam's in TOTAL agony. Lay on Sam's sofa feeling like shit with Freddy (his dog) on my lap, who strangely helped soothe my pain; normally when I have pains I use this thing, it's like this pillow case filled with oats or wheat or something, and you heat it up in the microwave and you put it on your tummy, and it's meant to help soothe the pain a bit. Freddy is warm and fluffy, and curls across my tummy a bit like the oat bag thing. So he helped take some of the pain away. But I still felt quite nauseous. Sam gave me lots of cuddles to cheer me up and eventually the tablets started kicking in a bit.
BUT
The pain is back now :[ Feel really yucky and sicky and my dad is sat eating the Father's day chocolates I gave him earlier, making loads of chompy, slurpy noises, which is really grossing me out. Uggggghhhhhhh. Think I am going to go to bed.
]]>Today, I really felt like I needed to go out and get very very drunk in order to forget about my long long week, so tonight, this is exactly what I did. Wasn't planning on going out at all, because it was Matt's 15th birthday and we ordered in pizza from Dominoes for tea. However, after dinner, family were all watching football, so decided I would go to the pub with Sam, and 3 of his mates, despite having no money, no ID, etc. Was surprisingly easy to get round both of these things; Sam and Shaun bought me drinks all evening.
I had a couple of these shots called 'Aftershock' which tasted a bit like blackcurrant cough sweets which were VERY VERY strong, as well as a couple of smirnoffs, vodka and cokes, and cider. Was a good evening, usually I don't really like being the only girl in a group, but it was alright, and to be honest I behaved quite laddishly with my drinking and my topics of conversation anyway, so we were alright.
It was Elvis Presley karaoke night at the White Horse and all the bar staff were dressed as Elvis with black wigs, collars up, and sunglasses which were apparently v. hard to see out of according to the smallest bar tender (who is really cute and friendly and always talks to us when we go there.) We sat outside in the garden because it was quite a summery evening, which was a good choice because we witnessed a REAL fight! It was so exciting. There was this group of girls from Liverpool, and they were all dressed in really formal dresses, and appeared to be really really drunk. They all seemed to be having a massive argument with each other (although the only bit of the argument I picked up was 'YOU'RE A FUCKING BITCH', which seemed to be said an awful lot of times. Suddenly one girl grabbed this other girl by the hair and started swinging her round, and then this girl punched her in the face! The Elvis's all came out to see what was going on, and tried to break up the fight (they were all attacking each other by this point), but the drunk girls didn't seem to notice. The smallest Elvis turned round and shrugged at us and laughed. Eventually the Elvis's managed to move them along by backing them out of the garden and then shutting the gate behind them, leaving them to fight in the car park. Was like something out of a comedy sketch I swear.
Left the pub at about 10 to 12, and almost missed the last bus home, but Sam gave me a piggy back and ran with me on his back all the way to the bus stop just in time for the 5 to 12. Was fairly giddy and drunk, and had some kind of argument with Sam on the phone on the way home because he took ages to ring me back because he was getting a cheeseburger from the kebab van, making me think that he'd been run over or something - (we always argue about ridiculous things when we're drunk), but have sobered up a fair bit now - at least enough to type and make sense - and don't appear to have lost any of my possessions which is a v. good sign, and hopefully won't have too bad a hangover tomorrow morning. x
]]>We have decided that when we see the Mighty Boosh in November, we're going to wait outside the stage door in a similar comedy whore fashion, in the hope that Noel Fielding will come out and give out free cuddles or possibly sex. Although we may be joined by hordes of squealing 12-year-old fangirls, I think it will be entirely worth the wait.
Have had a pretty good weekend. Went to Eamayl on Friday with all the girlies to celebrate the end of exams, and as well as eating way way way too much, I burned off many calories through hysterical laughter.
On Saturday went to Pizza Express with Sam and drank far too much Pinot Grigio which is BLOODY expensive in restaurants (for some reason I never realised this, luckily Sam was paying). Then we went for a walk and ended up sitting on a wall by this car park, but then we decided to leave because we saw some people having sex in a car and we felt (though curiously fascinated) a bit weird being there after that. We walked by the river but kept stopping because we got distracted by each other. We had many many lols, and many many tears of laughter were shed at the most ridiculous things.
This afternoon I went to see the Sex and the City movie which was FABULOUS; don't know why but SJP looks glamorous in everything, even ridiculous wedding dresses, with dead birds attached to the side of her head! Ate a lot of popcorn (which Rachael kept shoving in my face, tempting me to BREAK MY DIET.) BAD ANNIE!
Soooo all in all has been a lovely, happy weekend full of laughter and silliness, which is what I needed. To put a downer on things, I have to go back to school tomorrow and have a double geography lesson first thing. Ewwww. xx
]]>Don't have to go to school tomorrow as I have transferred onto a different English Literature course, and there is no lesson tomorrow. All my other subjects have frees, so I will be able to sit at home all day and do absolutely shit all. Maybe I will read all day. Or perhaps I will go into town and spend a lot of money in New Look. Or maybe I'll just stay in bed. It doesn't matter, I have no educational obligations. I am free for another day.
I've had a really great week so far, I've had a lot of time to myself but it's been really nice. I've just finished reading Chocolat by Joanne Harris and I have to say that as well as being a nice antidote to my weather-related melancholy, it's the most charming book I've ever read, and it's kind of crappified every other book I've tried to begin reading since. I don't think any other authors write with such luxurious words. I want to eat them all up! I like the fact that the whole thing celebrates self-indulgence and earthly pleasures; I refuse to believe that doing things that make you feel good is a sin. This book is so right. God made chocolate, ffs. I don't think he minds if you stuff your face with it. That's kind of the whole point.
In other news, me and Sam discovered spaghetti hoop bagueuttes the other day, which I highly recommend. We were stuck inside on the rainiest Tuesday I have ever known, and had a bit of CARB FEST to cheer ourselves up. V. bad for diet, but do I care?
NO
x
]]> Am too happy to use punctuation and grammar correctly. Or at least, I'm too full of Cara Viva Rosé. xxxxx
Oops, just realised I completely forgot about the whole calorie recording thing. Oh well...
]]>I know that we haven't been going out a long time (although the five months since Christmas we HAVE been going out is actually now my longest relationship) but I KNOW that I love him, and I KNOW that he loves me too. But I also know that in the end, this relationship will come to some kind of junction; the concept of 'commitment' will have to kick in somewhere along the line. We have already planned to go on holiday together, in October, which to me, seems like a commitment. And we have talked about renting a flat together when I leave school, mainly because we both want to move out of our homes and live independently, and we can see no reason why we shouldn't do that together.
BUT... Sam has always maintained that he doesn't ever want to get married or have children, and simultaneously, these are the ONLY two things I want in the WHOLE WORLD, the only two the things in the WHOLE WORLD I would rather die than live my whole life without. I don't think he knows this though, and I'm not about to tell him, in case I scare the hell out of him and he makes a run for it. I just have to pretend that it doesn't hurt me when he says things like that. I KNOW I am only young, but I am a very serious kind of person. Yes, I like to live for the moment, but I am also very insecure, and I feel I need constant reassurance that somebody I am with actually WANTS to be with me.
This evening, Sam brought up something that I had told him a while ago. I had mentioned that there was a time last year when I had thought I was pregnant with user-ex-BF, because my period was late, and I had been absolutely terrified. He asked me what I would have done if I had been pregnant; Would I have kept it? I said that I would have, because I couldn't bare the thought of killing a child, and that even though it would hold me back, prevent me from going to uni, etc., I would rather KEEP it than MURDER it. I'm not against abortion, don't get me wrong - it's the woman's CHOICE, but I would NEVER have one myself. I don't know if I put this point across a reverently as I intended to, but I argued my case, I know I did.
But he just didn't see where I was coming from at all. He said that if he got me pregnant, he would be really 'pissed off' and wouldn't be able to 'pretend that he wanted the child'. He said that he knew that this sounded selfish, but that's just how he felt. I agreed with him that this sounded selfish, and then he got all offended, and slid into a really bad mood, acting all weird and cold on me. He barely spoke to me, and seemed to completely shut off his feelings. When I asked him what was the matter, he just said that nothing was wrong, but I didn't believe him AT ALL. I KNOW when he isn't telling the truth. Usually he caves in, but he didn't tonight.
I cried on the bus on the way back from his house. I hadn't managed to get through to him, and I know we will probably not talk about this again. He will just pretend that we never has this conversation. He's not comfortable with emotional conversations, but I'm an emotional person. Maybe I am being pathetic.I just wish we could be more open about things.
I wish I could explain to him how I feel, but I can't.
I'm aware that I'm talking a lot of crap and probably not making any sense, but I don't care. I am getting increasingly drunk with every trip to the fridge to top up my wine glass, and can hear scraps of some kind of argument my parents are having about Britain's Got Talent. I think I will get another glass of wine and go and join them. I prefer to be numb, and I prefer to be shallow. Life hurts less if you are.x
]]>OK 29 THINGS - I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE THAT MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT MYSELF. I lose.
]]>I wore my winter coat (it cost me £85 from River Island, I MIGHT as well get my use out of it, even if it IS supposed to be the summer!) and a big, fluffy, woolly scarf wrapped tightly around my face when I walked to work this morning and I was STILL cold!
The sky was v. drab and miserable all day and the atmosphere was heavy, sullen and blotchy, like the palette of a manic-depressive French artiste. At about 11, the heavens RIPPED-AT-THE-SEAMS and POURED AND POURED for the rest of the day.
If we've already had our summer for the year, I'll cry.
I've been at 'NAMELESS LOCAL SUPERMARKET' all morning taking complaints from ignorant CUSTOMERS and helping CUSTOMERS carry really-heavy-bags-of-shopping to their cars in le pluie se renversante!
I've got to go BACK to work at 5, and won't be RELEASED until TEN O' CLOCK! Grrrr, what possessed me to agree to work THIRTY-TWO HOURS overtime this week?!
Still, I will be rich, therefore I WIN.
So far today I have eaten:
Breakfast -
2 slices wholemeal toast with marmite and low fat spread - 250kcal
orange juice - 70kcal
L -
weightwatchers chicken and broccoli pie - 320kcal
sweetcorn - 120kcal
apple juice - 40kcal
D - Will be:
wholemeal roll - 150kcal
cranberry and raspberry smoothie - 120kcal
banana - 85kcal
alpen bar - 120kcal
total calories: 1275
JUST incase anybody cared.
xx
When I starved two and a half stone of myself away last year, I used to keep a blog in which I wrote nothing but what I had eaten for each meal, and how many calories each thing had contained (e.g. B - nothing... L - nothing... D - Peas - 30kcal, Chicken - 100 kcal...)
I'm planning on starting a diet again (a HEALTHY one this time, not an EMPTY one) and I want to start recording my daily calories on my blog, but I'm worried that I will get really obsessive about it, like I do with most things. On the other hand, maybe a little bit of an obsession wouldn't hurt, it might make me MOTIVATED.
Wish me luck x
]]>Not that I want to, obviously.
We were all meant to be going to pub last night but ended up having a Eurovision party at Sam's and I got v. v. drunk on Magners (which is stronger than I would have thought, and had a pretty immediate effect on me because I'm quite small and get drunk easily...) and ended up losing my new belt on the way home! At least it only cost £2 from Primark! Losing your belongings is always a sign that you've had a bloody good night!
CAN'T BELIEVE WE CAME LAST IN EUROVISION
Unfortunately, had to be up for work this morning to do a SIX HOUR shift. Luckily, hangover wasn't TOO bad. Had a bit of a nasty, scratchy headache, but didn't experience any nausea, and breakfast didn't have me retching into the toilet basin, which was a v. positive sign! Work was INCREDIBLY tedious and boring, as there is fuck all to do on Sundays. When I first got there I felt like death warmed up, and my hair was all skanky and wet because I'd had to walk to work in the pouring rain (courtesy of British summertime). I was all achey and tired and cold, and Kand I had to spend most of the morning in the REFRIGERATOR which was little or no fun. The only thing that kept me going was manager Matthew's ipod, which he had plugged into the sound system; he had a WHOLE Take That album on there (v. impressive!), and one of his ex girlfriends Matthew, blatantly a fan, had put several old Westlife albums on there too, so me and Rosie forced him to play those all afternoon.
Sam didn't appreciate this, but as I've told him before, he just DOESN'T appreciate musical genius or male beauty...
By 3, we had everything that could possibly be done, DONE, so me, Sam, Matthew and Rosie continued to work really hard until the shop closed went and skived in the canteen, drinking cups of tea and eating white chocolate chip cookies!
As soon as I got home I collapsed on the sofa and had a nice cup of tea and some galaxy chocolate and started reading one of the trashy, girlie books I bought from Tesco the other day!
NO,
the diet is NOT going v. well, BUT at least have not put on any weight. Am going to the gym every day next week just to MAKE SURE I don't, at any rate.
English went v. badly; kept getting distracted because it was FREEZING cold (John Mason School haven't put a nice warm carpet down in their sports hall for the exam period like Fitzharrys have - had LITERAL brain freeze and my lower arms went PURPLE), was ravenously hungry and kept thinking about gingerbread men(!) instead of 'the extent to which Arther Miller presents Post-War American society as a 'jungle' in Death of a Salesman', had excruciatingly bad period pains and felt like someone was hacking away at my abdomen with a massive chain saw, as well as nausea and a nasty headache, a fly kept buzzing round my table - really loudly, AND could hear various chav noises (e.g. grunting, 'brap', more grunting, 'fuck off', etc...) drifting in through the thin walls the exam hall.
I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'll be seeing E's when I open my results envelope in August. I will quite possibly care a fair amount if when this happens, but right now I don't have the ENERGY to care... - My exams are OVER and over all I'm ecstatic and happy to be alive! Also, I have new hair! This morning I had my straggly, scraggy blonde locks lopped off and styled into what can only be described as a POB, although perhaps a wee bit longer. I think it looks quite nice :]
Have had a lovely day to myself, which I really needed. None of my friends have finished their exams yet, and most of them had revision lessons today, so I went shopping ON MY OWN in Oxford, like the ridiculously cool person that I am. I actually enjoyed it though; I quite like shopping on my own because nobody complains at me for spending about THREE HOURS trying on EVERYTHING in the shop. I bought some black trousers for work, a strappy top from New Look, a really cute summery dress from Primark, and a chunky belt and some glittery shoes too.
Yes I did spend a lot of my money, but I made some SENSIBLE decisions, and only bought things I actually needed, and resisted buying THE CUTEST, kitschiest sunglasses EVER (love heart shaped with red frames, aww) from Topshop, and THE CUTEST dotty knickers (3 for £7), simply by being practical and systematic; I already bought sunglasses from New Look last week, and if I save up my money I can buy some nicer sexier, more expensive underwear next time I go shopping. Also, if I had bought the sunglasses and knickers, I would have had no money for drinks on Saturday, which would be tres terrible(!) as I plan to get v. v. drunk.
First day of my Post-Exam diet is going well so far; I managed to resist buying any of the following: a Kit-Kat Chunky milkshake from Shakeaway, a Caramel Frappuccino from Starbucks, Popcorn Chicken from KFC, 3 Millies Cookies for £1, etc...
Instead, opted for v. healthy tuna salad with no dressing (306kcal), Innocent smoothie (150kcal) and Alpen light bar (70kcal) - God bless Boots!
I'm pre-destined to break my diet though, as am going to The Long Wall for a (v. calorific) meal avec ma famille tonight, to celebrate la finis de exmaniations(?!) Should be quite lovely though. And mum is buying me Skins Series 2 from Tesco on the way back which will be rather lush, especially all the bits where Maxxie est SANS shirt. Mmm.
xx
]]>
If MY baby started rolling away in it's pram and HE rescued it, I think I would be a bit more appreciative than Nancy was... ;]
Yum.
Geography exam = la terrible!
Never mind. Only one more exam to go, and then I will go to sleep for two weeks actually have the time to write a proper entry on here, instead of messy, unpoetic(?), unorganized complaining which nobodywantstolistento.
I may also stop relying on my daily fix of 'nameless local supermarket' (own brand) gingerbread men for revision energy happiness.
SO MANY things to complain about:
have scratty, ratty, skanky hair, skin looks like shit, have eaten about A MILLION ginerbread men today and have inevitably increased size of love handles, am exhausted both mentally and physically, Facebook is being UNE RETARD and won't let me sign in, don't know wtf Integrated Coastal Zone Management is, and have JUST RUN OUT OF FUCKING CREDIT!!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am so miserable it physically hurts.
Have spent all day moaning and whimpering and exhibiting various other hysterical behaviours, for example weeping into my revision cards. I fucking HATE fucking GEOGRAPHY. Told my parents that I am contemplating suicide; they asked me how I plan to do this, and I said; "well, I'll just revise geography for the rest of the day..."
Have had to stay in all weekend revising, so have not been able to see Sam. I miss him soooo much it's ridiculous. Before I ran out of credit, I sent him a message n essay detailing all the various things that are wrong with my life today, and he text back saying 'I wud hug u bt ur 2 far away lol. Il give u an air hug.'
Blessss. I want a a real hug though =(
Time is going soooo slowly. By Wednesday, when all my exams are over and I can FINALLY see him again, I will be so desperate for physical contact that I will probably jump on him and rape him as soon as I see him!!
I really want to go out and celebrate on Wednesday night, but there is nobody to celebrate with, as none of my friends finish their exams until after half term. Grrr. So what am I doing instead of going out and painting Abingdon red?
Working an extra three hour shift at 'nameless local supermarket'!! Hardcore...
]]>So... I clearly failed my Psychology exam earlier.
I did shit loads of revision for hours and hours and hours this week, but when I got into the exam hall my mind went completely blank and I couldn't remember any of the key studies, or anything at all really. I know I must have WRITTEN something, but I know I didn't really SAY anything. I only wrote about half a page for each of my 18 mark questions, and because I couldn't remember any studies I couldn't really answer the questions because they were asking you to evaluate research, and obviously, I couldn't REMEMBER any research and therefore had no research TO evaluate.
My exam did not finish until 3.45, so had 15 minutes to get from said failed exam to 'nameless local supermarket' for my shift. I felt physically sick with stress, and reached the peak of my physiological stress response(!) when I was thrown onto the till the SECOND I arrived at work (flustered, shoe-laces undone, five minutes late...) because someone else was off sick, and was faced with a whole screen full of scary NEW BUTTONS and a whole queue of impatient customers. I thought I was going to start CRYING on the checkout, or explode or something, but thankfully was able to contain myself until I got off the till. And then I burst into tears. Sam gave me loads of hugs though, and made me feel better.
After work I consoled myself with lots of junk food, including chips and cheese from Posh Nosh and a massive bag of chocolate buttons (I feel physically sick when I think about how much SATURATED FAT I must have consumed, but I'm trying NOT to think about it), and then me and Sam went back to his (and had the house to ourselves.. ;]) soo now am feeling slightly better and am now drinking a nice big glass of white wine to make myself feel EVEN MORE better - (sorry for lack of grammar!11!!oneone!!)
Also, have discovered that am apparently the #4 'person with the best smile' out of my all my Facebook friends, which is obviously VERY exciting. Am only #12 prettiest though. How rude! God, think I need some more wine to make myself care less that 11 of my Facebook friends are prettier than me I am going to fail all my exams and have to work at 'nameless local supermarket' for the rest of my life. x
Actually love housework, it's a rave.
Finally went back to Curves today; I thought it would be a massive struggle but it wasn't at all, and I also seem to have lost that 2lbs I had gained previously, despite consistent junk food consumption over the past three weeks, and SEVERE exercise deficit (apart from dancing in my kitchen whilst partaking in domestic chores, obviously...!) My metabolism is crazy LOVELY! :] So am apparently now JUST underweight for my height and age, although I REALLY don't think I look it. I am a CHUBBY size eight, but my friends are SKINNY size tens, wtf?!
Am going on a diet once exams are over.
Have been revising for about 4 hours straight, and my eyes have now sunken into the back of my head, making me resemble an insomniac or somebody on acid at a Prodigy gig, soooo am off to have a nice bubble bath and watch Desperate Housewives (recorded from earlier when I was busy revising on Facebook) in bed, as have to be up bright and early to do more lovely revision tomorrow's fair morn!
Nighty night
xxxx
I got up early to do some psychology revision this morning, had a general studies exam this afternoon, and then went to work and ended up doing two hours overtime as they had a MASSIVE delivery which came an hour late, and they were really short staffed, so I felt sorry for them and said I would stay till 8.
I worked really hard too, I didn't skive AT ALL and I put out 2 massive cages of frozen produce (which made me VERY cold and shivery, but thankfully had my lovely duty mangager Jayne to help me, and we spent the whole time bitching about whoever did the excessive ordering), 2 flatbeds and a cage of grocery; was dead chuffed with myself.
Spent the majority of my shift trying to explain to Sam and Grant that Russell Brand looks NOTHING like the tramp who eats out of the bins at the back of 'nameless local supermarket', and is actually incredibly beautiful. They both adamantly disagreed with me. The only person I could find to agree with me in the whole shop (bar Helen, who said 'he's not good looking', but 'there's something weirdly attractive about him', which isn't actually that complimentary when you think about it...) was this DELICIOUSLY camp old man, who had really twinkly eyes and looked a bit like Santa, who overheard our conversation, and seemed to just pop up out of nowhere to add reverence to my argument. Sam said that his opinion didn't count, but I beg to differ.
Soooo, didn't really get a chance to sit down and relax until about half 8 this evening, when I just collapsed into my chair with a great big CARB-A-LICIOUS plate of pasta and a nice cup of tea with SUGAR. Talk about over-indulgence. Have done little or no revision this tonight which is disgraceful, but the good news is I have improved my typing speed to 78wpm and am now faster than 98.5% of Bebo, which is obviously very exciting, and gives me a lot to show for my evening. Sam has just rung me to say goodnight, and am off to Bedfordshire in a minute, as I am getting very sleepy and yawny. xx
]]>As far as I can tell, his Itunes Library consists of nothing but Radiohead (eww, I know they're local and everything, but I severely dislike them - apart from Just, but I prefer the Mark Ronson version obvvvv.), a depressing Russian classical composer called Shostakovich (who I am subjected to every time he drives me to Sam's on a Friday night, but apparently he is supposed to be very interesting as he rebelled against communism through his music - how does that figure if there are no words?), Frank Sinatra, and a Westlife album of Frank Sinatra covers (which I made him upload!) That's basically it.
So I subjected him to my 'Top 25 most played' while he was eating his porridge oats this morning, and although he doesn't believe me that not all RnB is shit yet, I did get him giving 'Don't Stop the Music' by Rihanna some positive comments, for example; 'Well it's bearable...' and 'It's got quite a good beat.'
This is v. good progress.
]]>Sam took me to the White Horse in Abingdon for a meal this evening (he paid, rejecting my offer to go halves because he knows I need to save to pay my mum back for my gym membership and our holiday, aww!) because I've been craving pub food ever since the sun came out. We couldn't get a table outside because it was packed but we did the next best thing (sat at a table by an open door, looking out onto the beautiful view car park). Was a really nice meal though, and afterwards we went for a walk, then went back to his house and lay on the trampoline in his back garden and watched the stars made out a lot. We had a an argument about whether one of the constellations looked like a frying pan or not (it didn't...) and found a lot of things really funny in a giddy, tipsy way. Sam looked all smiley and happy, so I told him 'You look all smiley and happy...' and he said 'Well, you're here...' and kissed me on my forehead.
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It's ridiculous how dizzyhappy it makes me when he says things like that.
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LOL. Someone read my mind.
Uh, CLEARLY I want my erections to last for hours and stay hard through multiple climax - What a silly question!
I'm really bored. The Germans/Rastafarians next door (basically BMW exchange workers with dreadlocks and a dog called Ziggy), are having another BBQ; They've had one just about every day this week, and they are v. noisy and pump v. loud reggae music into the small hours. I asked my mum if I can have my friends round for a similar BBQ (sans Reggae), to celebrate the end of exams, and she said 'I don't see why not, as long as you don't make too much noise and disturb the neighbours.' By this, I think she must mean 'as long as you don't disturb me when I'm rewatching the 'Neighbours' omnibus asleep on the sofa holding a glass of red wine.' Bless her. Am going to plan a LOUD party, but assure her I'm planning a QUIET get together. The next doors won't mind; they're summer people. =]
1) OMG people actually read my blog?! I thought 8 visitors on my first day was a fair amount considering I didn't have an awful lot to say, but I was very shocked with the 22 I've had today, and some of these people visited twice! My main thought on that is wtf why?!! I'm pretty sure if I was browsing through, I wouldn't bother to read this blog, I'd move onto the next one... Still, none of these people have left comments, so my 'popularity' isn't known to the general public!
2) Why can I never find any clothes in my size? I have been lusting over a blue and white summery dress from New Look all week, which I planned to pay for with my weekly wages driving lesson fund. It has taken me three visits in one week to find this dress in my size; I swear this was never a problem when I was fat; the rails of New Look are always full of size 16 clothes but scantily clad with size 8 clothes. Not that I'm complaining about my weight loss, I just wish that I didn't have to ask shop staff the exact days and times at which they get their stock delivered, just so I can secure ONE SINGLE item of clothing in my size.
3) I am fat/sturdy/chunky. Yes, I am now a size 8 and have a smaller waist measurement than most of my friends, but I still swear that I am fatter than all of them put together. Yes, I eat nowadays, and yes I know I'm being ridiculous, but with everything that happened last year, I know some of it is still there, and I can't shake it away. I've had a couple of relapses this year, and I don't want that to happen again, but I'm worried that it will, because I've been feeling very unattractive this week. Think I need to get back to the gym to regain my confidence; am going back Monday, as I FINALLY renewed my membership yesterday, so hopefully I'll get myself back on track.
4) OWWWWW! I had this thought at several occasions during the day, for example my bath this morning, trying on the dress in New Look at lunch time, and every time Sam gave me a cuddle/put his arm round me this evening. Feel like my shoulders are on fire. Do not own any aftersun, and apparently we do not sell aftersun at 'nameless local supermarket', so have been frantically applying any kind of moisturizer I can find in my house, in the vain hope that this will take the pain away/I will go brown and cease to look like a boiled lobster.
5) Ffffuck, exams! This thought only occurs occasionally, and only for a split second. I sometimes catch myself and think 'Oh dear, I actually haven't done any revision yet and my exams start a week from today and I am probably going to fail', but most of the time I seem to think 'Fuck it, I can always work at 'nameless local supermarket' for the rest of my life!'
6) I really need to get to bed earlier. No wonder I feel like death warmed up every morning.
I'm sat here revising drinking summer fruits squash (which I think I am developing an addiction to, mainly because I can't resist anything which is only 15kcal per serving, therefore meaning that I can have about EIGHT glasses at the same calorific value of ONE can of (FAT) Coke)and worrying about approaching exams listening to Take That and Party, two things which alone make me incredibly happy, but together, make me ecstatic!
Am skiving General studies this morning, the most pointless lesson in the world, in which we have to take A level equivalent exams next week, even though most universities don't care if you have it or not, as they don't count it as a real A level. We only have a lesson in it once a fortnight on a Friday, and I don't think I've really learnt anything from it (other than how to argue with Mr. Browne about the amount of paper he wastes in General studies lessons and how we could save the rainforest by discussing our answers to the single question he has asked us, rather than writing a one word answer on a piece of paper, then later throwing it in the bin (non-recycling), because let's face it, how is that one word answer going to help us revise for an A level exam?) I have also argued the point that I would rather have no grade than a fail grade on my exam certificate, so wouldn't whichever university I apply to be more impressed if I have three good A levels and no general studies, than a U in general studies on my exam certificate? But Mr. Browne seems to disagree with me, as he does on most things.
Though I don't think he has ever given me a reason why, which must therefore mean that I am right.
]]>OMG - never realised you could change your font colour, have literally NEVER been so excited!!!!
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