I KNOW that I have made my relationship seem perfect, but this is probably because I am an incredibly insecure person, and I hate to write about any arguments I have with Sam, in the fear that they will become REAL and be somehow AFFIRMED. This evening however I am soooo bloody pissed off with him that I feel the need to VENT.

I know that we haven't been going out a long time (although the five months since Christmas we HAVE been going out is actually now my longest relationship) but I KNOW that I love him, and I KNOW that he loves me too. But I also know that in the end, this relationship will come to some kind of junction; the concept of 'commitment' will have to kick in somewhere along the line. We have already planned to go on holiday together, in October, which to me, seems like a commitment. And we have talked about renting a flat together when I leave school, mainly because we both want to move out of our homes and live independently, and we can see no reason why we shouldn't do that together.

BUT... Sam has always maintained that he doesn't ever want to get married or have children, and simultaneously, these are the ONLY two things I want in the WHOLE WORLD, the only two the things in the WHOLE WORLD I would rather die than live my whole life without. I don't think he knows this though, and I'm not about to tell him, in case I scare the hell out of him and he makes a run for it. I just have to pretend that it doesn't hurt me when he says things like that. I KNOW I am only young, but I am a very serious kind of person. Yes, I like to live for the moment, but I am also very insecure, and I feel I need constant reassurance that somebody I am with actually WANTS to be with me.

This evening, Sam brought up something that I had told him a while ago. I had mentioned that there was a time last year when I had thought I was pregnant with user-ex-BF, because my period was late, and I had been absolutely terrified. He asked me what I would have done if I had been pregnant; Would I have kept it? I said that I would have, because I couldn't bare the thought of killing a child, and that even though it would hold me back, prevent me from going to uni, etc., I would rather KEEP it than MURDER it. I'm not against abortion, don't get me wrong - it's the woman's CHOICE, but I would NEVER have one myself. I don't know if I put this point across a reverently as I intended to, but I argued my case, I know I did.

But he just didn't see where I was coming from at all. He said that if he got me pregnant, he would be really 'pissed off' and wouldn't be able to 'pretend that he wanted the child'. He said that he knew that this sounded selfish, but that's just how he felt. I agreed with him that this sounded selfish, and then he got all offended, and slid into a really bad mood, acting all weird and cold on me. He barely spoke to me, and seemed to completely shut off his feelings. When I asked him what was the matter, he just said that nothing was wrong, but I didn't believe him AT ALL. I KNOW when he isn't telling the truth. Usually he caves in, but he didn't tonight.

I cried on the bus on the way back from his house. I hadn't managed to get through to him, and I know we will probably not talk about this again. He will just pretend that we never has this conversation. He's not comfortable with emotional conversations, but I'm an emotional person. Maybe I am being pathetic.I just wish we could be more open about things.

I wish I could explain to him how I feel, but I can't.

I'm aware that I'm talking a lot of crap and probably not making any sense, but I don't care. I am getting increasingly drunk with every trip to the fridge to top up my wine glass, and can hear scraps of some kind of argument my parents are having about Britain's Got Talent. I think I will get another glass of wine and go and join them. I prefer to be numb, and I prefer to be shallow. Life hurts less if you are.x

1. I have a BLONDE personality.
2. My mum says I remind her of Bridget Jones.
3. Magic Stars are my favourite thing in the whole wide world.
4. I love wine, even though it makes me tearful.
5. I wish it could be Christmas everyday.
6. I want to live in Paris for a year, but I can't speak any French.
7. I always insert French words or phrases (which are often grammatically incorrect)into the middle of English sentences.
8. A cup of tea (in my Take That mug) always cheers me up, no matter what has happened.
9. I'm REALLY immature and laugh whenever anyone uses the word 'muff'.
10. I like sleeping better than being awake.
11. My definition of sexuality is Noel Fielding.
12. I'm kind of shallow and a bit of an air-head.
13. People who say they hate things that are 'mainstream' REALLY IRRITATE ME.
14. I'm proud of the fact that I like chavvy chart music and 'sellout' comedians.
15. I really love anything that is pink/fluffy/glittery/girlie.
16. Russell Brand makes me go a bit weak at the knees.
17. I'm really jealous of people who are articulate.
18. I'm really jealous of people who have interesting things to write about in their blogs, and therefore no need to rant about their job or wank on about their boyfriends...
19. I'm a shop-a-holic, and I'm not just saying that in a 'stereotypical girlie-girl' kind of a way, I actually DO think I have a problem; I've spent more than I've earnt since I started my job, I owe my mum about £700, and I have heart palpitations every time I walk past New Look.
20. I used to be overweight.
21. I'm now underweight.
22. I used to starve myself. It made me feel alive and dead at the same time.
23. I ALWAYS dance like nobody's watching, even when people ARE watching.
24. I don't get embarrassed easily, and I think regretting things is pointless.
25. My favourite song in the whole world is All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.
26. Being in love scares me.
27. I feel sorry for people who have never been in love.
28. I like life to be a bit spontaneous.
29. I hate surprises, secrets, and 'jokes'.
30.

OK 29 THINGS - I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE THAT MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT MYSELF. I lose.

I am having a shitty day, I mean - Eww, why is the weather so HORRIBLE?!

I wore my winter coat (it cost me £85 from River Island, I MIGHT as well get my use out of it, even if it IS supposed to be the summer!) and a big, fluffy, woolly scarf wrapped tightly around my face when I walked to work this morning and I was STILL cold!

The sky was v. drab and miserable all day and the atmosphere was heavy, sullen and blotchy, like the palette of a manic-depressive French artiste. At about 11, the heavens RIPPED-AT-THE-SEAMS and POURED AND POURED for the rest of the day.

If we've already had our summer for the year, I'll cry.

I've been at 'NAMELESS LOCAL SUPERMARKET' all morning taking complaints from ignorant CUSTOMERS and helping CUSTOMERS carry really-heavy-bags-of-shopping to their cars in le pluie se renversante!

I've got to go BACK to work at 5, and won't be RELEASED until TEN O' CLOCK! Grrrr, what possessed me to agree to work THIRTY-TWO HOURS overtime this week?!

Still, I will be rich, therefore I WIN.

So far today I have eaten:

Breakfast -
2 slices wholemeal toast with marmite and low fat spread - 250kcal
orange juice - 70kcal

L -
weightwatchers chicken and broccoli pie - 320kcal
sweetcorn - 120kcal
apple juice - 40kcal

D - Will be:
wholemeal roll - 150kcal
cranberry and raspberry smoothie - 120kcal
banana - 85kcal
alpen bar - 120kcal

total calories: 1275

JUST incase anybody cared.
xx

When I starved two and a half stone of myself away last year, I used to keep a blog in which I wrote nothing but what I had eaten for each meal, and how many calories each thing had contained (e.g. B - nothing... L - nothing... D - Peas - 30kcal, Chicken - 100 kcal...)

I'm planning on starting a diet again (a HEALTHY one this time, not an EMPTY one) and I want to start recording my daily calories on my blog, but I'm worried that I will get really obsessive about it, like I do with most things. On the other hand, maybe a little bit of an obsession wouldn't hurt, it might make me MOTIVATED.

Wish me luck x

Am really enjoying all the free time I've got now, but I feel disorientated, not having anything that I HAVE to be doing. Feel like I should be revising!

Not that I want to, obviously.

We were all meant to be going to pub last night but ended up having a Eurovision party at Sam's and I got v. v. drunk on Magners (which is stronger than I would have thought, and had a pretty immediate effect on me because I'm quite small and get drunk easily...) and ended up losing my new belt on the way home! At least it only cost £2 from Primark! Losing your belongings is always a sign that you've had a bloody good night!

CAN'T BELIEVE WE CAME LAST IN EUROVISION

Unfortunately, had to be up for work this morning to do a SIX HOUR shift. Luckily, hangover wasn't TOO bad. Had a bit of a nasty, scratchy headache, but didn't experience any nausea, and breakfast didn't have me retching into the toilet basin, which was a v. positive sign! Work was INCREDIBLY tedious and boring, as there is fuck all to do on Sundays. When I first got there I felt like death warmed up, and my hair was all skanky and wet because I'd had to walk to work in the pouring rain (courtesy of British summertime). I was all achey and tired and cold, and Kand I had to spend most of the morning in the REFRIGERATOR which was little or no fun. The only thing that kept me going was manager Matthew's ipod, which he had plugged into the sound system; he had a WHOLE Take That album on there (v. impressive!), and one of his ex girlfriends Matthew, blatantly a fan, had put several old Westlife albums on there too, so me and Rosie forced him to play those all afternoon.

Sam didn't appreciate this, but as I've told him before, he just DOESN'T appreciate musical genius or male beauty...

By 3, we had everything that could possibly be done, DONE, so me, Sam, Matthew and Rosie continued to work really hard until the shop closed went and skived in the canteen, drinking cups of tea and eating white chocolate chip cookies!

As soon as I got home I collapsed on the sofa and had a nice cup of tea and some galaxy chocolate and started reading one of the trashy, girlie books I bought from Tesco the other day!

NO,
the diet is NOT going v. well, BUT at least have not put on any weight. Am going to the gym every day next week just to MAKE SURE I don't, at any rate.

EXAMS.
ARE.
OVER.
xD

English went v. badly; kept getting distracted because it was FREEZING cold (John Mason School haven't put a nice warm carpet down in their sports hall for the exam period like Fitzharrys have - had LITERAL brain freeze and my lower arms went PURPLE), was ravenously hungry and kept thinking about gingerbread men(!) instead of 'the extent to which Arther Miller presents Post-War American society as a 'jungle' in Death of a Salesman', had excruciatingly bad period pains and felt like someone was hacking away at my abdomen with a massive chain saw, as well as nausea and a nasty headache, a fly kept buzzing round my table - really loudly, AND could hear various chav noises (e.g. grunting, 'brap', more grunting, 'fuck off', etc...) drifting in through the thin walls the exam hall.

I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'll be seeing E's when I open my results envelope in August. I will quite possibly care a fair amount if when this happens, but right now I don't have the ENERGY to care... - My exams are OVER and over all I'm ecstatic and happy to be alive! Also, I have new hair! This morning I had my straggly, scraggy blonde locks lopped off and styled into what can only be described as a POB, although perhaps a wee bit longer. I think it looks quite nice :]

Have had a lovely day to myself, which I really needed. None of my friends have finished their exams yet, and most of them had revision lessons today, so I went shopping ON MY OWN in Oxford, like the ridiculously cool person that I am. I actually enjoyed it though; I quite like shopping on my own because nobody complains at me for spending about THREE HOURS trying on EVERYTHING in the shop. I bought some black trousers for work, a strappy top from New Look, a really cute summery dress from Primark, and a chunky belt and some glittery shoes too.

Yes I did spend a lot of my money, but I made some SENSIBLE decisions, and only bought things I actually needed, and resisted buying THE CUTEST, kitschiest sunglasses EVER (love heart shaped with red frames, aww) from Topshop, and THE CUTEST dotty knickers (3 for £7), simply by being practical and systematic; I already bought sunglasses from New Look last week, and if I save up my money I can buy some nicer sexier, more expensive underwear next time I go shopping. Also, if I had bought the sunglasses and knickers, I would have had no money for drinks on Saturday, which would be tres terrible(!) as I plan to get v. v. drunk.

First day of my Post-Exam diet is going well so far; I managed to resist buying any of the following: a Kit-Kat Chunky milkshake from Shakeaway, a Caramel Frappuccino from Starbucks, Popcorn Chicken from KFC, 3 Millies Cookies for £1, etc...

Instead, opted for v. healthy tuna salad with no dressing (306kcal), Innocent smoothie (150kcal) and Alpen light bar (70kcal) - God bless Boots!

I'm pre-destined to break my diet though, as am going to The Long Wall for a (v. calorific) meal avec ma famille tonight, to celebrate la finis de exmaniations(?!) Should be quite lovely though. And mum is buying me Skins Series 2 from Tesco on the way back which will be rather lush, especially all the bits where Maxxie est SANS shirt. Mmm.

xx

That new bloke out of Hollyoaks is abitofalright :]

If MY baby started rolling away in it's pram and HE rescued it, I think I would be a bit more appreciative than Nancy was... ;]

Yum.

Geography exam = la terrible!

Never mind. Only one more exam to go, and then I will go to sleep for two weeks actually have the time to write a proper entry on here, instead of messy, unpoetic(?), unorganized complaining which nobodywantstolistento.

I may also stop relying on my daily fix of 'nameless local supermarket' (own brand) gingerbread men for revision energy happiness.

*Advanced apologies for the disgusting overuse of exlamation marks*

SO MANY things to complain about:
have scratty, ratty, skanky hair, skin looks like shit, have eaten about A MILLION ginerbread men today and have inevitably increased size of love handles, am exhausted both mentally and physically, Facebook is being UNE RETARD and won't let me sign in, don't know wtf Integrated Coastal Zone Management is, and have JUST RUN OUT OF FUCKING CREDIT!!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I am so miserable it physically hurts.

Have spent all day moaning and whimpering and exhibiting various other hysterical behaviours, for example weeping into my revision cards. I fucking HATE fucking GEOGRAPHY. Told my parents that I am contemplating suicide; they asked me how I plan to do this, and I said; "well, I'll just revise geography for the rest of the day..."

Have had to stay in all weekend revising, so have not been able to see Sam. I miss him soooo much it's ridiculous. Before I ran out of credit, I sent him a message n essay detailing all the various things that are wrong with my life today, and he text back saying 'I wud hug u bt ur 2 far away lol. Il give u an air hug.'

Blessss. I want a a real hug though =(

Time is going soooo slowly. By Wednesday, when all my exams are over and I can FINALLY see him again, I will be so desperate for physical contact that I will probably jump on him and rape him as soon as I see him!!

I really want to go out and celebrate on Wednesday night, but there is nobody to celebrate with, as none of my friends finish their exams until after half term. Grrr. So what am I doing instead of going out and painting Abingdon red?

Working an extra three hour shift at 'nameless local supermarket'!! Hardcore...

I am disgusted at myself and the amount of junk food I have eaten tonight. I really am going to get fat one of these days.

So... I clearly failed my Psychology exam earlier.

I did shit loads of revision for hours and hours and hours this week, but when I got into the exam hall my mind went completely blank and I couldn't remember any of the key studies, or anything at all really. I know I must have WRITTEN something, but I know I didn't really SAY anything. I only wrote about half a page for each of my 18 mark questions, and because I couldn't remember any studies I couldn't really answer the questions because they were asking you to evaluate research, and obviously, I couldn't REMEMBER any research and therefore had no research TO evaluate.

My exam did not finish until 3.45, so had 15 minutes to get from said failed exam to 'nameless local supermarket' for my shift. I felt physically sick with stress, and reached the peak of my physiological stress response(!) when I was thrown onto the till the SECOND I arrived at work (flustered, shoe-laces undone, five minutes late...) because someone else was off sick, and was faced with a whole screen full of scary NEW BUTTONS and a whole queue of impatient customers. I thought I was going to start CRYING on the checkout, or explode or something, but thankfully was able to contain myself until I got off the till. And then I burst into tears. Sam gave me loads of hugs though, and made me feel better.

After work I consoled myself with lots of junk food, including chips and cheese from Posh Nosh and a massive bag of chocolate buttons (I feel physically sick when I think about how much SATURATED FAT I must have consumed, but I'm trying NOT to think about it), and then me and Sam went back to his (and had the house to ourselves.. ;]) soo now am feeling slightly better and am now drinking a nice big glass of white wine to make myself feel EVEN MORE better - (sorry for lack of grammar!11!!oneone!!)

Also, have discovered that am apparently the #4 'person with the best smile' out of my all my Facebook friends, which is obviously VERY exciting. Am only #12 prettiest though. How rude! God, think I need some more wine to make myself care less that 11 of my Facebook friends are prettier than me I am going to fail all my exams and have to work at 'nameless local supermarket' for the rest of my life. x

Had loads of fun doing the washing up earlier, with my music CRRRRANKED up full volume! I've got an obsession with that CHAV-A-LICIOUS 'Wearing my Rolex' song atm, and I had that on repeat whilst I did it.

Actually love housework, it's a rave.

Finally went back to Curves today; I thought it would be a massive struggle but it wasn't at all, and I also seem to have lost that 2lbs I had gained previously, despite consistent junk food consumption over the past three weeks, and SEVERE exercise deficit (apart from dancing in my kitchen whilst partaking in domestic chores, obviously...!) My metabolism is crazy LOVELY! :] So am apparently now JUST underweight for my height and age, although I REALLY don't think I look it. I am a CHUBBY size eight, but my friends are SKINNY size tens, wtf?!

Am going on a diet once exams are over.

Have been revising for about 4 hours straight, and my eyes have now sunken into the back of my head, making me resemble an insomniac or somebody on acid at a Prodigy gig, soooo am off to have a nice bubble bath and watch Desperate Housewives (recorded from earlier when I was busy revising on Facebook) in bed, as have to be up bright and early to do more lovely revision tomorrow's fair morn!

Nighty night
xxxx

Today has lasted for about eleventy-million days.

I got up early to do some psychology revision this morning, had a general studies exam this afternoon, and then went to work and ended up doing two hours overtime as they had a MASSIVE delivery which came an hour late, and they were really short staffed, so I felt sorry for them and said I would stay till 8.

I worked really hard too, I didn't skive AT ALL and I put out 2 massive cages of frozen produce (which made me VERY cold and shivery, but thankfully had my lovely duty mangager Jayne to help me, and we spent the whole time bitching about whoever did the excessive ordering), 2 flatbeds and a cage of grocery; was dead chuffed with myself.

Spent the majority of my shift trying to explain to Sam and Grant that Russell Brand looks NOTHING like the tramp who eats out of the bins at the back of 'nameless local supermarket', and is actually incredibly beautiful. They both adamantly disagreed with me. The only person I could find to agree with me in the whole shop (bar Helen, who said 'he's not good looking', but 'there's something weirdly attractive about him', which isn't actually that complimentary when you think about it...) was this DELICIOUSLY camp old man, who had really twinkly eyes and looked a bit like Santa, who overheard our conversation, and seemed to just pop up out of nowhere to add reverence to my argument. Sam said that his opinion didn't count, but I beg to differ.

Soooo, didn't really get a chance to sit down and relax until about half 8 this evening, when I just collapsed into my chair with a great big CARB-A-LICIOUS plate of pasta and a nice cup of tea with SUGAR. Talk about over-indulgence. Have done little or no revision this tonight which is disgraceful, but the good news is I have improved my typing speed to 78wpm and am now faster than 98.5% of Bebo, which is obviously very exciting, and gives me a lot to show for my evening. Sam has just rung me to say goodnight, and am off to Bedfordshire in a minute, as I am getting very sleepy and yawny. xx

Earlier I told my dad that he needs to broaden his musical horizons.

As far as I can tell, his Itunes Library consists of nothing but Radiohead (eww, I know they're local and everything, but I severely dislike them - apart from Just, but I prefer the Mark Ronson version obvvvv.), a depressing Russian classical composer called Shostakovich (who I am subjected to every time he drives me to Sam's on a Friday night, but apparently he is supposed to be very interesting as he rebelled against communism through his music - how does that figure if there are no words?), Frank Sinatra, and a Westlife album of Frank Sinatra covers (which I made him upload!) That's basically it.

So I subjected him to my 'Top 25 most played' while he was eating his porridge oats this morning, and although he doesn't believe me that not all RnB is shit yet, I did get him giving 'Don't Stop the Music' by Rihanna some positive comments, for example; 'Well it's bearable...' and 'It's got quite a good beat.'

This is v. good progress.

I've had the song Yellow by Coldplay in my head all day, 'on repeat'. It's lovely.

Sam took me to the White Horse in Abingdon for a meal this evening (he paid, rejecting my offer to go halves because he knows I need to save to pay my mum back for my gym membership and our holiday, aww!) because I've been craving pub food ever since the sun came out. We couldn't get a table outside because it was packed but we did the next best thing (sat at a table by an open door, looking out onto the beautiful view car park). Was a really nice meal though, and afterwards we went for a walk, then went back to his house and lay on the trampoline in his back garden and watched the stars made out a lot. We had a an argument about whether one of the constellations looked like a frying pan or not (it didn't...) and found a lot of things really funny in a giddy, tipsy way. BF looked all smiley and happy, so I told him 'You look all smiley and happy...' and he said 'Well, you're here...' and kissed me on my forehead.

:]

It's ridiculous how dizzyhappy it makes me when he says things like that.

LOL. Someone read my mind.

Uh, CLEARLY I want my erections to last for hours and stay hard through multiple climax - What a silly question!

I'm really bored. The Germans/Rastafarians next door (basically BMW exchange workers with dreadlocks and a dog called Ziggy), are having another BBQ; They've had one just about every day this week, and they are v. noisy and pump v. loud reggae music into the small hours. I asked my mum if I can have my friends round for a similar BBQ (sans Reggae), to celebrate the end of exams, and she said 'I don't see why not, as long as you don't make too much noise and disturb the neighbours.' By this, I think she must mean 'as long as you don't disturb me when I'm rewatching the 'Neighbours' omnibus asleep on the sofa holding a glass of red wine.' Bless her. Am going to plan a LOUD party, but assure her I'm planning a QUIET get together. The next doors won't mind; they're summer people. =]

Collection of thoughts for the day:

1) OMG people actually read my blog?! I thought 8 visitors on my first day was a fair amount considering I didn't have an awful lot to say, but I was very shocked with the 22 I've had today, and some of these people visited twice! My main thought on that is wtf why?!! I'm pretty sure if I was browsing through, I wouldn't bother to read this blog, I'd move onto the next one... Still, none of these people have left comments, so my 'popularity' isn't known to the general public!

2) Why can I never find any clothes in my size? I have been lusting over a blue and white summery dress from New Look all week, which I planned to pay for with my weekly wages driving lesson fund. It has taken me three visits in one week to find this dress in my size; I swear this was never a problem when I was fat; the rails of New Look are always full of size 16 clothes but scantily clad with size 8 clothes. Not that I'm complaining about my weight loss, I just wish that I didn't have to ask shop staff the exact days and times at which they get their stock delivered, just so I can secure ONE SINGLE item of clothing in my size.

3) I am fat/sturdy/chunky. Yes, I am now a size 8 and have a smaller waist measurement than most of my friends, but I still swear that I am fatter than all of them put together. Yes, I eat nowadays, and yes I know I'm being ridiculous, but with everything that happened last year, I know some of it is still there, and I can't shake it away. I've had a couple of relapses this year, and I don't want that to happen again, but I'm worried that it will, because I've been feeling very unattractive this week. Think I need to get back to the gym to regain my confidence; am going back Monday, as I FINALLY renewed my membership yesterday, so hopefully I'll get myself back on track.

4) OWWWWW! I had this thought at several occasions during the day, for example my bath this morning, trying on the dress in New Look at lunch time, and every time Sam gave me a cuddle/put his arm round me this evening. Feel like my shoulders are on fire. Do not own any aftersun, and apparently we do not sell aftersun at 'nameless local supermarket', so have been frantically applying any kind of moisturizer I can find in my house, in the vain hope that this will take the pain away/I will go brown and cease to look like a boiled lobster.

5) Ffffuck, exams! This thought only occurs occasionally, and only for a split second. I sometimes catch myself and think 'Oh dear, I actually haven't done any revision yet and my exams start a week from today and I am probably going to fail', but most of the time I seem to think 'Fuck it, I can always work at 'nameless local supermarket' for the rest of my life!'

6) I really need to get to bed earlier. No wonder I feel like death warmed up every morning.

I've just had the most PAINFUL bath of my life. I'm so glad I'm out alive now. I think I might actually look even more red this morning, and I've got the most hideous tan lines; I look like (for want of a better simile stereotype) one of those 40 year old chav mums you see flaunting their lobster cleavage in Marbella. Thankfully, I have the decency to cover mine up. It's kind of cloudy this morning, so looks like I won't be furthering my chances of skin cancer today.

I'm sat here revising drinking summer fruits squash (which I think I am developing an addiction to, mainly because I can't resist anything which is only 15kcal per serving, therefore meaning that I can have about EIGHT glasses at the same calorific value of ONE can of (FAT) Coke)and worrying about approaching exams listening to Take That and Party, two things which alone make me incredibly happy, but together, make me ecstatic!

Am skiving General studies this morning, the most pointless lesson in the world, in which we have to take A level equivalent exams next week, even though most universities don't care if you have it or not, as they don't count it as a real A level. We only have a lesson in it once a fortnight on a Friday, and I don't think I've really learnt anything from it (other than how to argue with Mr. Browne about the amount of paper he wastes in General studies lessons and how we could save the rainforest by discussing our answers to the single question he has asked us, rather than writing a one word answer on a piece of paper, then later throwing it in the bin (non-recycling), because let's face it, how is that one word answer going to help us revise for an A level exam?) I have also argued the point that I would rather have no grade than a fail grade on my exam certificate, so wouldn't whichever university I apply to be more impressed if I have three good A levels and no general studies, than a U in general studies on my exam certificate? But Mr. Browne seems to disagree with me, as he does on most things.

Though I don't think he has ever given me a reason why, which must therefore mean that I am right.

I'm so sunburnt it's ridiculous. I look like I've just eaten a whole bottle of nando's peri peri sauce or a jar of jalepino peppers or something (red is generally the colour my whole face goes if I eat ONE jalepino pepper, let alone a whole jar!) Obviously this is a v. attractive look. This is my own fault, as me, Alex and Naomi (yes I know this is grammatically incorrect but that's just how I roll...) sat in Naomi's garden all afternoon on the trampoline, revising eating and "talking about boys". The amount of customers I served today who commented; 'You look like you've caught the sun a bit, love!' was actually ridiculous. As if I'd failed to notice the colour of my own face, and hadn't been adressed as beetroot and cherry tomato by my 'lovely' boyfriend, and my 'lovely' duty manager, Clive, since I'd arrived at work! It's worse on my shoulders, it's really painful! I'm dreading having a bath/shower, as I have a feeling this will be something on a par with AGONY, so I'm going to put it off until tomorrow morning, which I know is incredibly skanky, especially in this heat, but I'm just an incredibly skanky kinda girl! :] Sam told me he still finds me attractive, even with a red face, so I can't look all that scary, unless he was lying, drunk and/or has EXTREMELY low standards.

OMG - never realised you could change your font colour, have literally NEVER been so excited!!!!

All day I've felt really sick and I've had the kind of headache I usually get when I've drunk copious amounts of vodka the night before. Which I did not do last night (I stayed in and watched How To Look Good Naked and was in bed by ten thirty, hardcore!) It's the kind of headache that pills don't really get rid of, because rather than being a pain, it's more the sensation that alcohol is still swimming around in your brain, and whenever you eat or drink, you can taste vodka. I don't really know what's wrong with me, but I'm going to go out and get lashed get an early night tonight and hope I feel better tomorrow morning.

BEAUTIFULLLL day yesterday and today. Went to the Abbey yesterday afternoon avec mon boyfriend, his BFFL (lol!1!) Shaun, and two of my girlies, Alex and Dara. We lay on the grass getting a tan burnt, and it felt all carefree and shimmery and happy.

I doubt this feeling will last as exams are now in less than a week, but I've still got it this morning.

I'm sat here smelling like sunflowers (courtesy of Natural Collection circa 2003 - I found a load of really old body sprays in my drawer and I'm trying to use them all up so I have an excuse to buy some expensive relatively cheap perfume to treat myself), and I'm thinking I might wear a skirt and a strappy top to school! :] To me, smelling like sunflowers and optimistically planning your summery outfit in the hope that the sun won't go in before you have the chance to enjoy it and before global warming sends you some craaaazy weather and floods your town again, epitomises the very essence of summer in Abingdon.

Don't have to go d'ans l'ecole till 11 this morning which is quite lovely, except for the fact that I have a Psychology essay to write before I go and so far, I've been on Facebook for about an hour and have made no attempt to actually open my text book, or my organised pile of notes scrappy pile of shit to find out what the essay title actually is.

I've been revising for Psychology all day; probably worked about 9 hours straight, and I feel like my brain is going to explode and my hand is going to drop off. But the good news is, I think I may have increased the capacity of my 'STM' as I am pretty sure there were points during today where I was storing more than 7 + or - 2 'chunks.' And hopefully I have committed some of these 'chunks' to LTM.

And who says you don't learn anything when you revise for long periods of time without breaks?!

I'm REALLY enjoying this Pinot Grigio; it's helping me to forget everything I have revised learnt today and sending me gradually to sleep. mmm.

It has always amazed/distressed me how ridiculous and ignorant some people can be, and it has come to my realization today that the majority of the people I find ridiculous and ignorant are people who shop at 'nameless local supermarket' on Saturday mornings.

I hate:

1) People who don't say 'hello' or 'thankyou', or even acknowledge that you are right there, providing a service for them. I always express their gratitude for them, by shouting 'THANKYOU' loudly as they leave.
2) People who act as if it is YOUR fault if THEY don't have enough money.
3) People who accuse you of trying to charge them twice when they haven't even given you their card yet!
4) People who spend about ten minutes counting out the exact change in 1ps and 2ps.
5) People who put all their shopping on the till roll to secure their place in the queue, then spend about ten minutes going round the shop trying to find the items that they conveniently forgot, holding up a large queue of people.
6) People who have forgotten their purse, leave their shopping with you, then come back an hour later and expect to be able to jump the queue.
7) People who come to your till just as you are about to close it, then either spend ages trying to gather together their money from several places (various pockets, shoes, bags, bodily orifices, etc.) or give the money to their small child to 'give to the lady on the till', both of which take a bloody long time, and by the time they have FINALLY paid and left, MORE customers have appeared, and you have to STAY on the till.
8) People who make ridiculous requests e.g. 'I came in a minute ago and bought an ice cream for my son, he's eaten half of it and the stick has just fallen out, can we swap it for one with a stick?'
9)People who make sarcastic comments when you ask them if they want any plastic bags for their shopping, e.g. 'What else am I going to carry it home in?' I feel like saying; "Well, SOME people actually CARE about the environment..."
10) People who leave their eco-friendly bags in the car, then make the same joke about leaving their eco-friendly bags in the car EVERY Saturday morning.

Dickheads, lol.

Nandos later, can't wait xxxx

Spirit of Jazz, series One: Rich Fulcher mentions Budgens when he's playing a bartender talking to Howard in a flashback... (01.47/06.22). R pointed this out to me in Psychology the other day! Can't believe I never noticed before! I don't care how lame I am for getting excited about this. x

Oooops, just gave away name of place of work. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to slag off management or anything, just bitch about customers...

COURSEWORK was FINALLY finished at 11.30pm last night; managed to cut 3,300 word English essay down to 2,000 word limit (who knew I had so much to say about King Lear? Not me, seeing as I never read past Act 1, scene 2!)

Am now celebrating with fuck-off massive glass of French wine, and desperately craving French bread to go with it (a result of trying to cut down on carbs after the discovery that my abdomen is starting to broaden as if in preparation for child-bearing, something which I do not plan to do for a very long time.) Luckily there is no such bread in my cupboard-under-the-stairs, so there will be no broadening of MY hips tonight.

Had a lovely evening with Sam. It was a really warm outside so we decided it would be a bit of a waste to just stay inside and watch the usual Corrie/Eastenders/Corrie sandwich with Sam's brothers #2 and #3 (he's got about a million siblings), which is what we do most Fridays. We went for a walk by the river and then sat on a bench for ages, looking up at the stars and watching canal boats go by. It was nice, sometimes I forget that parts of Abingdon are actually quite pretty; I usually just focus on the scabby parts and summarize that it is a bit of a shit-hole. Later, Sam bought some food and I bought a Diet Coke and we sat at a table and talked about anything and everything, including sharing a flat when I finish Sixth Form... I like the fact that we were able to have a 'commitment conversation' without actually using the phrase; 'So, where is this relationship going?'. Also the fact that we had this 'commitment conversation' in the middle of Posh Nosh...

Ten reasons why I am inconsolably LES MISERABLES today:

1) Stayed up till 6AM doing coursework last night.
2) Still have coursework to do.
3) Have skanky hair but no time to shower before work because of coursework.
4) Have to go to work.
5) Sam will see me with skanky hair.
6) Will miss Neighbours because of work.
7) Will miss Eastenders because of coursework.
8) Will have to stay up late doing coursework.
9) Will not finish coursework.
10) Will have no coursework to hand in tomorrow.

I think I may cry or possibly explode.

Oh and also I put on two pounds and my gym membership expired yesterday, but I can't afford the money or time to renew it until next week. So not only do I have PANDA EYES, SKANKY HAIR, NO energy and NO coursework, but I am also well on the road to MORBID OBESITY!

And yes, all of the above are my own fault because a) I left my coursework till the last minute, b) I went to the cinema avec Rose last night so I didn't start my coursework till half 11 [Forgetting Sarah Marshall was ace though - Russell Brand BLATANTLY wrote all his lines himself!], c) I co