*mud and stars...

I GOT THREE A'S IN MY AS LEVELS! I don't understand HOW or WHY but I'm bloody ECSTATIC! Don't feel like I deserve those grades as I did little or no work all through year 12, apart from at the very last minute, when I revised the fuck out of those last three weeks before my exams. Hahahaha. It's almost a faintly ridiculous thought that I can apply to any university I want, even Oxford or Cambridge. AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FAIL EVERYTHING. Not that I want to got Oxford or Cambridge, but at least I've got that OPTION now. I like Cardiff though :] Am going to go to the open day and see what it's like, but the English Literature course there looks AMAZE.

Only one day left of school, and then my summer holidays begin! Has been gorgeous weather today and hopefully it'll stay that way. Am on an all fruit diet; (well, I'm only eating fruit, veg and staples like bread and pasta)in preparation for PARIS!!!! (the ultimate girlie holiday) which is less than two weeks away now. Tried some sale items on in New Look at lunch time today and was VERY distressed by the appearance of my JELLY BELLY sans clothing. Am therefore taking remedial action IMMEDIATELY. Not only would I like to look FABULOUS in the new clothes which I will undoubtedly buy FOR my holiday when I go on a spree round Oxford on Friday, but I would also like to allow myself a couple of lbs leeway for the weight I will undoubtedly GAIN on my holiday through consumption of various croissants, breads, cheeses and glasses bottles of wine!

Am soooo BLOODY excited!

In other news, accidentally bought size sixteen knickers from Topshop (they were on a size ten hanger!! grrrr). xx

The Ball was lovely, and I DID fit into my dress eventually (Jill from Curves told me to go bra-less or try a different bra, and it WORKED! Maybe am not fat after all...)! The place was very pretty and posh (especially the loos!), and there was a chocolate fountain, and a bar which I spent FAR too much money at... Me and Rachael had the same shoes, but everyone was too drunk to notice, so this did NOT matter. Did a lot of dancing (and as was wearing heels, KILLED my feet, and had to take them off afterwards and walked BAREFOOT all the way up the Banbury road, drunk, to catch a bus into Oxford. SO sophisticated. Sam looked v. gorgeous and lovely in his suit. There was lots of (drunken) dancing to Abba, and various other COOL music. Everyone got together, and everyone had a good time, and everyone got into the group photo which STILL hasn't come through the post.

Had a good weekend; went to the pub Friday for a meal, then got elegantly pissed afterwards (elegant in the sense that I didn't show anyone my bra and I didn't start crying and asking everyone if they think I'm fat...), then Saturday was Sam's birthday, and I made him a cake and bought him London eye tickets, and spent the day with him.

I'm off school until next week now, as there is a week of fun educational activities for the lower school in which all the teachers are involved, so all sixth form lessons are cancelled. Had a girlie SKINS party last night with series 2 and lots of chocolate buttons, and have been out to lunch (another girlie outing) today and sat in a really cute, cosy cafe in Abingdon all afternoon eating mash potato and drinking tea, watching the rain come down and the floods come up, through the window. Am going to make the most of being off school, and possibly sleep all day tomorrow. This will be V. good for the diet, as if I am asleep I cannot eat, and I will have lots of energy in reserve for when I hit the gym after work! x

Today was the most gorgeous day ever - supposedly the hottest day of the year so far? Finished school at one and met Sam. He squeezed me to death and told me he was very sorry about yesterday. Then we went into Oxford to get my shoes. Was planning on spending fuck loads, and VERY NEARLY did in Karen Millen, but at the last minute decided this would be a bit of a waste as I would have no money for the next few weeks, and could get shoes just as nice (if I'm honest) for £20 in New Look. So that is exactly what I did.

We had lunch in Christ Church Meadow. Got baguettes and apple juice from a shop in the covered market, and strawberries from the fresh fruit stall and went and sat in the sunshine. Was lovely :] Would have been romantic if the park hadn't been full of smackheads and pissed uni students! Still, at least we had ready-made entertainment.

Tried on my ball dress when I got home to check if it still fits me, and was VERY annoyed to find that the zip no longer zips itself up to the very top. And it's a SIZE 10, FFS! I know I've eaten a lot of shit recently, and not really counted my calories but come on - I was expecting it to hang a little looser on me, If I'm honest, seeing as most of my clothes are eights nowadays! AM NOT IMPRESSED. At least I've got my shawl to cover up the zip that won't do up at the back. Am paranoid that I am going to look a bit like a lollipop, with skinny legs supporting a massive BLOBBY body! Mum says I look nice, but mum's are MEANT to say that.

Think I may have to do some sort of 48-hour-detox-fluid-loss-diet-thingy if I want to slim into this dress and NOT look like a deluded girl SQUEEZING herself into something which CLEARLY doesn't fit her. :[

But on the Bright Side (one has to look for a bright side when one is GETTING FAT): ANNIE HAS A DEBIT CARD!!!! This is good news for me, but bad news for my driving lesson fund. Just know I am going to spend spend spend, especially in Paris, as I can USE THE CARD ABROAD!!!! WEEEEEEEE, feel like I have been released from shopaholic prison (the past few weeks I have resisted SO many things as have been scrupulously saving - yes I regard this to be PRISION-LIKE), and am all set to go ABSOLUTELY CRAZY in a few weeks time, when the money from all my overtime comes in! Who knows, maybe I will even TREAT MYSELF to Karen Millen shoes?! or possibly LIPO SUCTION!!!!

xx

Wellll Sunday was a strange day.

Spent most of it being Little Miss Helpful, making sure Dad and Brother had breakfast and lunch (as men, they seem incapable of identifying their own needs and surviving without a woman in the house) whilst Mum was visiting Grandad.

Also popped down to 'nameless local supermarket' to buy a cake for D's birthday, and a cake for Grandad. I'm going to write messages on both of them in writing icing. Felt so super-selfless and wonderful after all this, even contemplated making Shaun some flat-warming muffins (he got his brand spanking new council flat last week - only has to pay £5 a week, lucky biatch!), but decided this might be going a little too OTT/too Brie Van Der Camp a la Desperate Housewives.

Grandad's okay, but he severed an artery in his head yesterday when he fell down the stairs. He's all stitched up now, and conscious, if a little very confused.

Had a 'Work Do' in the evening, we all went bowling and got very pissed and one of my managers, Amanda, got tomato pips in her hair, even though she didn't eat any tomato, and I spilled ketchup down my white top and had to wear my jacket for the rest of the evening. SURPRISINGLY, my team did not win, but we had a bloody good laugh all the same.

Was also me and Sam's 6 Month Anniversaire. He was quite sweet and lovely, kept coming up behind me and putting his arms round me with his hands on my tummy and kissing the back of my neck.

Was off school today, as had a lot of work to do. With everything that's happened, I haven't had time to catch up on my HUMONGOUS back-log of school work, so decided to take the day off to do some of that, considering I just had research lessons this morning, which are incredibly pointless and are just spent on Facebook anyway. Felt ok when I first woke up, despite the copious amounts of vodka consumed last night, but in the middle of the day began to feel quite sick and dizzy. Think I might be fighting off some sort of bug, because my mum said she's felt like that all day too.

Made it into work, but got very pissed off with Sam because he was in one of his moods where he won't speak to anyone. He was in this filthy mood simply because he was AN HOUR late for work AGAIN, and therefore our manager told him he'd have to stay an extra hour onto the end of his normal shift to make it up. Soooo he spent the whole day basically sulking like a fucking CHILD, and barely spoke to me.

So I decided to ignore him, and went off and bitched about MEN(!) with Lottie. Was quite satisfying. Had a massive fucking argument with Sam before I left though, and I cried A LOT on the way home, and ate WAY TOO MUCH chocolate to make myself feel better when I GOT home.

Have made it up with Sam now though. He admits he was being a prick, and I agreed :] He's meeting me from school tomorrow and we're going into Oxford, and I'm buying (EXPENSIVE) shoes for the ball, and he's getting trousers to go with his suit. Should be lush. I told him that to make up for not speaking to me at work when I needed him (I was stressed out with everything and just wanted a hug to be honest, but seeing as he wasn't SPEAKING to anyone, that wasn't really possible...), he has to give me a MASSIVE hug when he sees me tomorrow.

He said, ok, I'll squeeze you to death.

So, I have that to look forward to :] I have had a pretty shit evening; missed Eastenders AND One Tree Hill because I had to evaluate the effects of climate change on the planet in 1000 words (though I've only written 955 and they're all shit), and couldn't work out how to set anything up to record on our new box. I just hope tomorrow will be much more lovely and much more better than this shitty excuse for a Monday. x

Cannot think of a better title.

Today has been a really long day; was going to write all about BBQ shenanigans at SBS (complete with sunburn, potato salad, chopping up own hands with kitchen knife, and me and Kayleigh riding on the bucking sheep in our chef whites - was spectacularly useless at this!), and the fact that I am at home on a Saturday night for the first time this year, stone cold sober and enjoying it.

But I feel that that would be really weird and wrong considering I've just found out that my Grandad has just gone into hospital :'[ Apparently he fell down the stairs and has cut his head open and there was lots of blood everywhere and the ambulance have taken him to the John Radcliffe. My uncle has gone to the hospital and mum's looking after my Gran and my cousins. I'm so worried and scared. My Grandad is so old and so ill with Alzheimer's. I just feel so sad for him because he will be so scared; he won't know where he is, or why he's in pain, or who anybody around him is. I've been crying for ages, and I rang Sam up and cried at him for quite a long time and spent a lot of my credit, but never mind.

He's got to be kept in hospital over night at least, and I don't know whether he's going to be ok. I'm guessing we won't be having our 87th birthday meal for him tomorrow though. :'[ Please be ok Grandad, I love you xxxxx

I HAVE JUST WRITTEN THE CRAPPEST PSYCHOLOGY INTRODUCTION EVERRRR.
Gotta go to school now and hand it in! :[
Wish I could curl up in a ball and sleep for a million years instead.
And I have to go straight to work from school.
And then straight to the kitchen from work, to do more work.
And I won't be able to see Sam until Sunday.
And I won't see any of my friends until Monday.
Grrrr life is positively shit.
xxxx

This week has been non-stop so far.

I am so stressed out because I have so much work to do, and I haven't been able to do any of it so far.

On Tuesday night, one of my best mates, *D*, was chucked out by her dad, who told her he doesn't like having her around, and that he wants his wife's son to move in instead and take her room. Her mum has been away, so she's had to stay with me for the last couple of nights, and she's staying with another friend tonight.

I feel so sorry for her, and I've done as much as I can, but I know it's not enough. Have given her lots of hugs and hot chocolate and hardcore Pendulum Itunes raves in my front room in some effort to cheer her up.

Have to say, it's sort of worked. Am amazed at how strong that girl is. She puts on such a brave face.

It's her birthday on Sunday, and neither of her parents seem too bothered. I can't see her because I will be at my Grandad's birthday meal, but I am going to bake her a cake and give it to her on Monday and we will blatantly rave up her 17th in the common room, Monday breaktime (to Pendulum, obviously... nobody in the whole sixth form seems to listen to anything else recently!) xx

Haven't written on here in about a million years because my internet has been broken :[ Our phone is also broken, as are the flushes on both of our toilets. Our house is basically falling to bits!

Went camping on Saturday night at Dry Sanford with lots and lots of people from school and got completely annihilated by drinking a lot of punch, which was completely lethal as it was lots and lots of different alcoholic beverages mixed together, in a bin, rather than a bowl. If I don't catch AIDS, I will be surprised. Anyway, I spent a lot of the night crying in my tent because I thought I was lying in the entrance to the tent rather than the ACTUAL tent, and because I had wet jeans, and because my phone got so waterlogged when I was out dancing in the rain that it wouldn't turn on for ages until it had had time to dry out. Hardcore. At least I wasn't off slagging it up with half of year 13 like some of my friends...

Friends, who, might I add, collapsed a tent on me while I was asleep at 7 in the morning, for no apparent reason.

Was NOT impressed as was still drunk, and very hungover at the same time. I went home and threw up loads then slept for most of the day.

Have felt kind of shitty all day. Was woken up just before 12 by Sam ringing me to apologize for shouting at me on the phone last night in aggressive/drunken manner, and to ask me if I wanted to meet him after he finished work today. Had a bit of a headache and felt slightly nauseous so couldnt really stomach breakfast, but felt moderately better after I'd had a shower and washed my skanky hair.

Spent all afternoon lying on the sofa reading alternate chapters of 1984 (which I already read ages ago and loved, even though it is pretty grim and depressing), and a Handmaid's Tale, which I'm sure will be very interesting, but I saw the film of it in English the other day and found it TRES HORRIBLE, in particular the bits where she has to have sex with the commander, and the bit with all the hangings, etc. Have already found loads of similarities between the two, so coursework should be EASY PEASY.

Just before I had to go out to meet Sam at four I got really bad period pains, and although I took tablets, they didn't go away and had to walk all the way back to Sam's in TOTAL agony. Lay on Sam's sofa feeling like shit with Freddy (his dog) on my lap, who strangely helped soothe my pain; normally when I have pains I use this thing, it's like this pillow case filled with oats or wheat or something, and you heat it up in the microwave and you put it on your tummy, and it's meant to help soothe the pain a bit. Freddy is warm and fluffy, and curls across my tummy a bit like the oat bag thing. So he helped take some of the pain away. But I still felt quite nauseous. Sam gave me lots of cuddles to cheer me up and eventually the tablets started kicking in a bit.

BUT

The pain is back now :[ Feel really yucky and sicky and my dad is sat eating the Father's day chocolates I gave him earlier, making loads of chompy, slurpy noises, which is really grossing me out. Uggggghhhhhhh. Think I am going to go to bed.